I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
4 words: hood of his car
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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