Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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