were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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