the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
