dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
