Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
