I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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