i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
