last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So many bounce houses so little time
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
