she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
