life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
