just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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