The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
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We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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