if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
