I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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