i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Too much gin, very little bucket
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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