I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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