we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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