My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Randomize
