I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
