the condom got lost in my hair
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
