I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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