Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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