Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
