I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
