Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
