i permit you to call me
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
