Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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