I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize