My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize