i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
