i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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