I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
