Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
