That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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