Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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