he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
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Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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