Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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