Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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