she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
