Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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