when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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