in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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