You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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