I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
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