i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
