no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
