You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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