there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
