Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
