I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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