I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
