home. puking in laundry basket.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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