At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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