Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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