These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
