isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
