Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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