Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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