I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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