We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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