can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
my liver is dry heaving
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
