Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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