Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
