i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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