and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
