Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
