She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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