It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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