So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
