We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
